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A word of advice

Negativity breeds negativity; the more you are a jerk to someone, even if they deserve it, the more they will try to be a jerk to you. If you are never a jerk to anyone, you will find very few people who are a jerk to you.

If someone is a jerk to you, report them (If you can) and avoid them; their own negativity will breed them their own punishment.

Also foxes c:

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0

wrong

My life is wrong. It’s getting harder again.

I can’t motivate myself to do anything. The last few weeks i’ve just been either sleeping, checking my internet bookmarks or rarely i’d try to play minecraft only to give up after ten minutes.

My OCD is worse. Not the worst it’s been, but still pretty bad. My psychologist told me to try putting a shoe on without listening to the OCD, but when i tried that with a sock i freaked out. My foot still feels unclean. Impure. Corrupted.

I can’t eat right. I don’t want to. I’m getting overweight and i can’t motivate myself to go exercise. My OCD spots the ‘impurities’ in my food and nags me about them endlessly. ‘Can’t eat that bit. It’s impure’. When i try to eat meat, there’s a voice at the back of my head telling me what it’s made from. It’s not just pure chunks of ‘meat’. It’s Muscles. Fat. Veins. [i]Dead things[/i]. [i]You are putting dead things in your mouth[/i].

I hate that voice. It tells me to do bad things. Not things that would benefit me at another’s loss. Just downright mean things. Kicking cats. Smashing plates. Swearing at boring people. When i try to daydream it interrupts me with embarrassing memories. Go away, voice. You’re making me sad.

I spent too much money recently. I have less than before. I need more money to pay for the future i don’t have. What do i do when Mum gets old? I can’t cook. I can’t clean. I don’t know how bills or stamps work. I can’t handle the responsibility of – well, anything, really. I can barely play Dwarf Fortress without panicking. I’m not even self-confident enough to get a nuclear reactor running in (modded) minecraft. I know how it works. I know how to contain the explosion in a worst-case scenario. But i’m too scared.

I hate being scared. I’m scared of everything. Spiders. Cars. Needles. Knives. Strangers. I hide in my room all the time to avoid these things, as well as the things that jostle my OCD. Even the bathroom next door scares me. There’s mess everywhere. Why is it so untidy? Why is the toilet never flushed? I’ll have to use the one downstairs.

I don’t know where i’m going with life. I have no qualifications, and I don’t care for money. I just want to be fluffy and cute. I’d like that. But that’s not a career option. There’s no signposts on this crossroads, and where i want to go doesn’t have roads. I wish i could develop a skill. But i can’t motivate myself to practice.

I don’t know why i’m telling you this. Maybe somebody’s secretly a wizard who will help me. But that wouldn’t happen to me. Reality’s too srsface to stop and help me. I guess i just want to vent. I’m lucky that i know how to be likeable, else i wouldn’t have anything.

I want my life to get better. How do i get better, peoples?

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My Game Idea – Controls

These are the controls for the game i dream of making. It is a fantasy FP-RPG.

W/A/S/D – Move. Drains leg fatigue slowly. Sideways or backwards movement increases fumble chance.
Shift+W – Sprint. Drains your breath and leg fatigue faster. Increases fumble chance.
Shift+A/S/D – Dodge. Takes a small chunk of breath and leg fatigue. Landing badly can cause fumble.
Space(+W/A/S/D) – Jump. Takes breath and leg fatigue. Landing badly can cause fumble.
(W/A/S/D+)Space – Climb ledge. Takes a bit of breath and leg fatigue. Can fumble.
Shift+W/A/S/D+Space – Dive. Takes breath and leg fatigue. Landing badly can cause fumble.
Control+W/A/S/D (Mid-air) – Roll. Recovers from falling faster, takes breath. Causes fumble if mistimed.
Control – Duck/sneak. Makes your breath recover slower, and decreases fumble chance. Also makes other movement actions quieter.
Control+Shift+W – Quietly run. Not very effective. Slower and Safer than Sprinting. Drains breath and leg fatigue.
(Looking down) – Decreases fumble chance with most activities.
Control+(Looking down) – Prevents tripwires activating or stepping on floor objects.
Control+Spacex2 – Lie down. Press space to stand up again, control+space to stand up lower. No fumble chance while lying down.

Q/E – Use item in or with Left/Right hand, respectively.
Q/E (Hold) – Drop item in Left/Right hand, respectively.
1/2/3 – Sheath/Unsheath target weapon. 1 is Right hand weapon, 2 is back weapon/bow/shield, 3 is left hand weapon. Additionally, holding shift will drop held item in favour of weapon.
Control+1/3+(Looking down) – Sheath/Unsheath extra dagger (from your boot). 1/3 will use the right/left hand, respectively. Additionally, holding shift will put down currently held item as well.
4/5/6 – Use Belt Items. Will put the item in any free hand, preferably right. Additionally, holding shift will drop a currently held item, if hands are full, preferably non-weapons.
F+Leftclick/Rightclick – Radial spell menu. Casts selected spell with Right/Left hand, respectively. Additionally, holding shift will drop currently held item and replace it with the spell.
F+1/2/3 – Radial Spell Menu. Prepares a spell for Right/Both/Left hand(s), respectively. Additionally, holding shift will drop currently held item and replace it with the spell.
F+Q/E Throw item in Left/Right hand, respectively.
R – Talk to target. (Begins conversation with an NPC)
Control+R – Whisper to target. Alerts or confuses people.
R (Hold) – Radial Shout Menu. Shouts a battlecry, call for help, demand surrender or give surrender.
X – Kick. Takes breath and leg fatigue. Does little crush damage and mild knockback, which increases with running or falling/jumping.

Unarmed or non-weapon:
Click – Push. Hold to push hard (Takes breath and arm fatigue).
Click+(Drag Up) – Uppercut. Stabs with sharp items. Takes breath and arm fatigue.
Click+(Drag Down) – Thump. Takes breath and arm fatigue.
Click+(Drag Left/Right) – Punch. Takes breath and arm fatigue.

Melee Weapons:
Click – Bash. Hold to bash hard. Takes breath and arm fatigue.
Click+(Drag Up) – Stab. Takes breath and arm fatigue.
Click+(Drag Down) – Chop. Takes breath and arm fatigue.
Click+(Drag Left/Right) – Slice. Takes breath and arm fatigue.

Bows:
Click – Shoot. Hold to charge. Drains breath and arm fatigue.
(Offhand)click – (See Unarmed)
Click+(Drag Down)+(Looking up) – Draw arrow.
Q/E – Cancel shooting.

Pistol:
Click – Fire.
Click+Drag – Bash. Takes breath and arm fatigue.
Q/E – Reload Left/Right hand weapon respectively.

Musket:
Click – Fire.
Click+(Drag Up) – Stab (if bayonnette).
Click+(Drag Down/Left/Right) – Bash. Takes breath and arm fatigue.
(Offhand)click (Hold) – Aim. Drains breath.
Q/E – Reload.

Shield:
Click (Hold) – Hide. Being hit takes arm fatigue.
Click+Drag – Bash. Takes breath and arm fatigue.

Attack Spells:
Click – Spark. (does bugger-all) Takes mana and mental fatigue.
Click (Hold) – Spray. Drains mana and mental fatigue.
Click+(Drag Down) – Charge Bolt, drag up to throw. Drains mana and mental fatigue.
Click+(Drag Up) – Throw Bolt. Takes mana and mental fatigue.
Click+(Drag Left/Right) – Slash. Takes mana.
Q/E – Extra.

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Bonabopn wants you to be happy!

Tips for happiness! c:

1. Always smile, regardless of your mood. It will trick people into liking you more, which will make you feel better, and opens doors to potential friends.

2. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those that matter don’t mind, and those that mind don’t matter.” If you pretend to be someone you’re not, then your ‘friends’ aren’t actually [i]your[/i] friends; they’re the friends of who you pretend to be. If they don’t like the real you, they aren’t your friends, and you shouldn’t bother with them.

3. No matter who you are, there are others like you, and there are people who will be your friends. Keep looking – they’re trying to find you, too. Look up your interests, find people you like, and see if they like you back.

4. Avoid lying to your friends. Admitting your faults will make you more seem more genuine, and your friends will respect you for that. Apologise for things you do wrong. As long as you are trying to help, they shouldn’t be mad at you – that would be mean. Mean people do not make good friends.

5. Express your feelings. Tell people when you are down, and they will sympathise. When you are feeling good, tell your friends privately that you are happy to be their friend. Overusing emoticons makes you seem friendlier, too. c:

6. Respect other people and their beliefs, of all religions, races, sexualities and genders, and they will respect you back. Don’t be rude to anyone unless they are mean.

7. Don’t argue in youtube comments. Try to avoid arguing at all unless the argument is productive – getting a stranger to admit they were wrong isn’t always a win. A good way to tiptoe around arguments is to say “I think <fact>?”, rather than just stating a fact you are unsure of.

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Video
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Call Me Maybe Music Video Idea

Another, less complicated music video idea about luff and stuff.

0:00 Grumpy girl gets out of bed, and starts to walk to work.
0:28 Guy at the park entrance interrupts her, and offers some flowers.
0:36 Girl walks away while he’s talking, he follows and keeps trying to talk to her.
1:00 Girl exits the park, guy stops walking, and the girl enters her office building. Then a few scenes of the girl working and looking grumpy.
1:20 Girl sees flowers in a vase identical to the ones the guy had, then goes “…” and gets back to work.
1:28 Girl exits building to go to lunch, the same guy is outside with more impressive flowers, and tries to talk to her again.
2:00 Girl stops to talk to him for a bit.
2:16 Girl walks off, guy gives up and sits on a bench, putting his flowers in the bin. The girl walks into an alleyway next to them.
2:24 Some douche tries to mug the girl.
2:32 Guy hears the girl struggling, and runs in to help, but he gets beaten up and the mugger escapes.
2:40 Girl helps guy up.
2:48 Guy and girl talk.
2:56 Shots from outside of them in a café, they laugh. Song ends with them holding hands.

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Messy Kweznuz!

The winter solstice is approaching! It is customary amongst humans to give presents four days later in the guise of a fat red man with a white beard, so i will be partaking in this giftgiving. I’m expecting at least some presents, because people seem to like me because of all the c: and 😀 i do. But remember i don’t measure friendship in presents! Only give me one if you aren’t in financial trouble and you feel i deserve it. Or maybe give me two if you are rich!

So, to those that are still interested in getting me a present, here is what you internet peoples can buy me, from best presents to worst presents:

  • TF2 Items, preferably Festive strange weapons (but those are expensiiiiiiive, so maybe just a nametag or two)
  • Cool art of me by talented artists
  • The latest Humble Indie Bundle
  • Stuff from my steam Wishlist
  • Spiral knights energy
  • Hugs!
  • Bad art of me by untalented artists
  • Nothing
  • Festive Sweaters
  • Socks
  • Eggnog
  • A surprise party at my place without me knowing
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[DISCONNECTED]

This is what goes through my head when i hear this video:

0:00 Shots of villain walking into a bank, then pulling a gun
0:15 Villain fires gun into the air in slow motion, civilians panic
0:30 Flashback shots of villain sneaking around in the early morning outside, doing something to the floor in multiple places
0:45 shots of police turning up outside
1:00 Slow motion explosions to the beat everywhere, especially on cop cars, cops panic
1:15 swat turns up, more explosions on the beats
1:22 View from secuirity camera outside, things keep exploding on beats
1:29 Explosion, camera flashes “[DISCONNECTED]”
1:30 Gunfight with explosions!
1:45 Bank explodes, villain brings gunfight outside
2:00 Military guys shout over phone, then soldiers shout over radio, then the troops mobilise
2:15 Villain has rpg, blows shit up, slow motion dubstep style shots
2:30 Tank starts to fire back, dubstep style, more dubstep rpg shots
2:45 More soldiers arrive, especially special ops and helicopters
3:00 More bombs detonate on the soldiers, villain fires more rpgs
3:15 Villain is controlling the tank, firing at things to the beat
3:25 Shot of news reporter talking over firefight and explosions
3:29 Broadcast mast in the background is hit by explosion, camera shows [DISCONNECTED]
3:30 Zoomed out shot of city, each high pitched beep is an explosion.
3:45 back to firefight, more explosions
3:56 Villain is overwhelmed, falls on his back bleeding. Camera zooms out from above as he smiles creepily.
3:59 Shot of a suspicious satellite watching – feed goes [DISCONNECTED]

Song is copyright Pegboard Nerds