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Oh god, a fanfic.

This is a fanfic i just wrote. It’s only one page, and it has nothing to do with what it was originally a fanfic of (slightly damned), but in my mind the characters are all Jakkai, and they are in their village. Enjoy! (Also don’t be rude, even if it’s bad.)

[EDIT] Changed Jake’s name to Kaye. Forgot there’s already a Jake in SD.

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“Spectres are spirits summoned by dark magic, forever destined to guard whatever it is they are bound to. Should any harm come to their chosen object, the same would be dealt unto them – Much like a voodoo doll of sorts. Apart from that, they are completely immune to age, starvation, and physical harm – but they cannot leave their object, and must remain nearby at all times. Although they are meant to ‘guard’ their object, some spectres instead choose to escape with the object, as the summoner was foolish enough to bind them to something portable – in this case, a small statue.”
“So… What you’re saying is… you’re a ghost?”
“Uh. Kind of, yeah.”
“Ha! Good one, Grey.” Kaye laughed.
“Are you gonna help or not?” she replied, peeking in through the window next to them.
Kaye shook his head. “Come home, Grey. It’s dark and cold, and you haven’t eaten since breakfast. We can get the statue tomorrow, hopefully he’ll be sober then.”
“I told you I can’t. I need that statue.”
“Well I’m not staying out here to catch hypothermia. See ya at-”
“Shh! Someone’s coming!” she whispered, interrupting Kaye. They rushed behind the house as a silhouetted figure approached the door and entered.
“…I don’t see anyone.” Kaye whispered back. After a few moments, Grey hoisted herself up to the window and peeked in. The candle had been blown out, and nothing was visible save for the crack of light through the door to the bedroom.
“I can’t see what they’re doing, they’ve blown the light out.”
Grey felt a twinge down her spine, as if someone had just punched her in the back. She looked up again. The door to the bedroom opened slightly, as the figure hurriedly left the bedroom. Grey ducked below the window.
“They’re coming!”
The front door creaked slightly, as Grey peeked around the side to see the figure darting off into the distance. When it was out of earshot, Grey looked around for anyone else, but it seemed like the coast was clear.
“I think they’re gone.” whispered Grey.
“Well, i’m go-” added Kaye, before being interrupted by Grey again.
“They left the door open!”
Grey peeked through the door, before opening it and heading in.
“If you get caught, then i’ve got nothing to do with this.” Kaye whispered, but Grey continued regardless. She sneaked through the front room, carefully studying the darkness for anything that resembled a statue. The place was a mess, dirty clothes and empty bottles littered the room, but no sign of any statue. She moved into the kitchen. The kitchen worktops were covered in filthy plates and yet more empty bottles, and something smelt like it’d died and caught fire. Grey held her breath as she surveyed the room, yet still nothing resembling the statue.
Backtracking to the living room, she caught a glimpse of something through the bedroom door. Approaching the crack in the door, she saw – yes, it was her statue, lying on the floor, not two paces away from the door. Grey listened for sounds of life, but all was quiet. She reached her arm in, straining to touch the statue, not quite out of reach. Reaching her arm in further to properly grab it, she nudged the door open a bit, just as she grasped the statue. She pulled the statue back towards her, grabbing it with both hands. She triumphantly held the statue aloft, as a drop of something splashed on her face.
It was only then, that she noticed the body on the floor. The blood on his head. The blood on the statue. The blood on her hands.

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Oh noes not ACTA

ONCE UPON A TIEM THERE WAS A THING CALLED FREEDOM who was pretty cool but not as cool as freeman, but anyway he got unfairly banned D: here’s the convo

Never tell your password to anyone.
Freedom:
ummm hi?
ACTA: FUCK YOU YOU C***
Freedom: 😮
ACTA: IM GONNA SHIT DOWN YOU NECK
ACTA is now blocked.
ACTA: FUCK YOU BITCH
Freedom: go away D:
ACTA: YOU WILL DIE HORRIBLY BY AIDS AFTER BEING GANGRAPED BY GAY PEOPLE
Freedom: T.T
Freedom: what did i do to u 😦
ACTA: I KILLED YOUR MOTHER AFTER RAPING HER
ACTA: DONT IGNORE ME I CAN SEE YOU
ACTA: THATS IT IM BANNING YOU
ACTA is now Offline.
Your state is set to offline.
Lost connection to Steam, will rejoin chat automatically when connection regained.

Freedom: save me law! ;.;
Law: Meh.
Freedom: 😥

Cat® – Anti-ACTA: http://www.petitiononline.com/stopatca/petition.html
Cat® – Anti-ACTA: spread the word

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Storyline draft! :D

A Storyline:

Once upon a time, in some other universe or w/e with magic and things like a fantasy game, there’s this farmer guy/girl and he’s like farming in his field? He notices on the other side of the road in the distance there’s this bloke in a tree and he’s all “Wtf?” but he just sits there, so he keeps farming. Then a cart with someone important on it trundles by, and the bloke in the tree is all ninja and shoots a crossbow or w/e at the important guy/girl, but they miss and hit the farmer in the chest and they’re all like AAAAAARGH then the important person with their bodygaurd is all like SNIPAH and they pwn the other guy in the tree, but they don’t notice the farmer guy bleeding to death in the field so they’re all “W/e noob lol” and they ride off, then the farmer’s spouse and daughter is all NUUUUU and crying and stuff, then the farmer faints.

Then a necromancer guy comes along in a cart (busy road), and he’s all “O noes!” cuz the farmer’s all BLEH and the spouse’s all AHAHAHAHAAAAHHH and he’s all like “I can rez him but we needz healz or he’ll turn into a zobmie.” so he takes him to the city in his cart with the spouse and daughter, and then farmer dude wakes up and is all “AAAAAH that hurt” and necromancer guy is all “We gotta get healz k?” and farmer’s like “Damn.” and at some point in the conversation, he mentions a pwetty crystal that’s all black n stuff, but while he’s explaining it, people are shouting in the distance and then the necromancer’s all “Oh noes Necromancer hunterz!” and they’re all HADOUKEN and a fireball hits the cart and sends it flying, and the horses are all OMGWTF AAAAAAH and the cart falls down a hill or cliff or w/e next to the road, then the farmer’s all SHEEEEET and he gets up and no-ones there and he’s scared so he runs to the city and if it’s a game he’d be all hitting stuff wi’ sticks for a while before he gets there.

Then when he gets to the city, he’s all “Healz plz?” and the woman is all “‘Sup, if u needz healz go 2 ovar thar.” and then she’s all “U look pale, u alrite?” and farmer’s all “Yah, fine. T.T” and then he goes to healz guy who’s all “‘Sup, you met my friend necromancer guy?” farmer guy explains the story thus far and he’s all “K, i heal u now u break krystal” and he’s all “W/e” and they break the cystal and then farmer’s all “WHERE’S MY WIFE/HUSBAND (And daugther)” and then he goes out with one of healer dude’s homies who i haven’t thought much about to find them, and they find the bit of the road where the cart fell off and the necromancer guy is all x_x and the other homie is all T.T and then the spouse is also all x.x and then farmer is all liek “NUUUUUU” and then he’s T.T.

New paragraph! Now farmer’s stopped crying abit and he’s all WHERE’S MAI DAUGHTER and homie’s all “idk, bandits?” and then farmer guy is all AAAAAAAAAAAARGH cos he’s angry and drinks powerthirst and then he smashes some dude with cool weapons he found and homie’s all “W8 up!” and then they smash a hole through the nearby bandit camp, then idunno.

This is just a draft, the final might be a game or movie or play or w/e so it probably won’t be all liek that and w/e with “idk” and “OMG” and stuff.

2

My RoflDragon goes SOISOISOISOI

A long, long time ago, before the days of LOL, there were no ROFLCopters to defend the nation from invaders. This was before the days of ASCII, when there was only ASCI.

One day, an adventurer known as Bob arrived in WTFTown, after a long, hard journey from LOLCity, to seek his riches ‘n stuff. He had heard tales of the ROFLDragon’s infamous deeds and vowed to sleigh him for the good of the nation and a healthy supply of ROFLWaffles. Bob entered the town square, and immediately sought out the guy who was important and stuff. Yeah, you get the idea, “Go defeat the Rofldragon blah blah blah”, so Bob was all “W/e” and climbed Mt. Noob, seeking out the ROFLDragon. Bob had remembered to bring his AFK47 and Mini-ROFLING gun, along with some WTFBOOM-class LOLNades, which was kinda good cause he usually forgot those and stuff.

Along the way, Bob met a friendly hermit, who begged him for some spare change. Bob didn’t like friendly hermits, so he kindly donated a LOLNade to the hermit. Unbeknownst to Bob, he forgot to pull the pin and the hermit later sold the grenade to a museum and became really rich and started up a LOLCake factory, which eventually was shut down because of health and safety regulations. So Bob trundled along the dusty road upwards, where nothing interesting happened until the next paragraph.

Bob climbed the slopey steeps of Mt. Noob, eventually finding himself outside the lair of the ROFLDragon. By now, Bob was hungry, so he had some LOLCakes and some other joke i haven’t made yet. Anyway, he defeated the ROFLDragon and sleighed him for the army, but then they made ROFLCopters with ROFLing guns, and a WTFBOOM launcher, so they kinda went out if fashion and Bob lost his job as ROFLCopters don’t need any training unlike ROFLDragons, he then began to protest as he still hadn’t laughed at this post since it began.

Also, ROFLWAFFLES.